Fear: You're Mine

Two very special thank-yous this week. First, to my mom and dad for officially becoming blog followers. The 2 of you are rocks in my life and you've been in this with me all along, but I love that you took the time to officially follow the blog. The second (eyes watering) is to my incredible cousin, Stephen. This week, Steve registered for the marathon I'm running and is coming from Michigan to support this cause and be a part of this journey. I honestly don't know how to tell you how excited and thankful I am you'll be here, so please just know what words can't say: thank you!!!!

****

So, I was chatting with my dad on the phone the other day and we got talking about the whole Run Strong concept and my dad said to me, “In order to bring about change, you have to be willing to put yourself out there…to accept that people may not like and/or ignore what you’re trying to do…you have to be willing to be vulnerable”.

So, this week I am full on going for it.  I am going to let you into the parts of my psyche that make me most vulnerable…the unmentionables that any PR person would tell me to keep to myself.  I’m going to tell you what I am most afraid of about running this marathon. 

The first thing – and let’s start with a big one – is that I don’t look like other marathon runners.  Come on, you’ve seen the Adidas ads.  I don’t look like one of them.  I am an almost-40 year old mom of two with cellulite and padding in places that most marathon runners have skin and bone and muscle.  I know what I’m capable of, so it isn’t about doubting that I can do it, but I do fear people saying out loud, “She does not look like a marathon runner.”  And I guess an extension of that is the fear that people will think/say on race day, “She doesn’t belong here”.

I’m also afraid of how long it’s going to take me to finish the race.  I’ve wondered if anyone (other than those obligated by DNA and/or a Province of Ontario-issued marriage license) will wait long enough for me to finish.  The highlights of both of my half marathons were the moments I looked over to the sidewalk and saw/heard people cheering.  I have this recurring dream that people have packed up their lawn chairs and gone home by the time I finish.  It’s just me and the people taking down the first aid tents.  Oddly, I don’t fear not finishing…just that it will take me so long that I’ll be dodging traffic in Monday morning rush hour to get to what used to be the finish line.

Finally – and this is probably the one that haunts me the most – I am afraid of heart failure during the race (so I guess I fear not finishing in this one very unfortunate instance).  Go ahead, I get it, you can laugh.  But, it seems that every time I read coverage of a marathon, someone has collapsed.  I am, I think, (knock on wood) in good health and am certainly trying to train so that the race day distance is not a shock or unmanageable stress on my body, but going back to what I said above about being a mom of two, these are the things I think about.

The funny thing about fear, though, is that it only has as much power as we give it.  It’s not a tangible, so it is only as real as we allow our mind and nervous systems to make it.  I am also afraid of flying, but I love to travel, so I guess I have a choice to make, don’t I? 

So, there is only one thing for me to do.  While I’m writing this – I’m serious, right at this moment – I have opened my web browser and am going to torontowaterfrontmarathon.com.  I’m clicking “Register Online”…serious, I’m doing this. Hmmm, ok, guess you have to register through eventsonline.ca…my bad.  Entering “Schneider, Corrie” (considering an alias so no one will be able to look up my finish time…see above).  Telling them I’m from Freelton…Freelton represent!  Entering Eric as my emergency contact and hoping like anything they don’t need to call him (again, see above).  Oops, have to hit the back button (forgot to enter what street I live on).  Re-checking my information.  Grumbling about the fact that I have to pay HST on my entry fee.  Here I go…hold your breath…1, 2, 3…submit!!

And here is what the next screen says:

Corrie Schneider is now Registered
for Scotiabank Waterfront Marathon, 1/2 Marathon & 5km!!!!

Can I get a whoot-whoot?  Fear: You.  Are.  Mine.

So, to close, here’s where I’ll now officially be on October 14th, 2012 (thanks for running with me!):

Guest Blogger: Marlo Taylor

Corrie's note: Every once in a while, I am going to give you a break from what's in my head and ask someone to share their thoughts on Run Strong.  This week's guest blogger is Marlo Taylor, my incredible sister, and one of the fabulous brave souls that has agreed to run with me.  Marlo, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and for being the world's best sister.  This week, I also want to say a special thank you to the wonderful Sandra C. for joining the list of blog followers and to a long-time friend and amazing soul, Becky J., for your message of encouragement that made my week.

So, with no further ado, I give you Marlo (thanks for running with me).
_________________________________________________________________________________

Let’s be clear: I am not a runner.

At different times in my life, I have aspired to be one. I have tried to be one. And, I have even thought – very very briefly – that I was one.

But, the truth is that running and I have an uneasy relationship at best. On most runs, I complain and curse and fight every step. My iPod’s sole mandate is to drown out the sound of my own complaining.

I do understand, however, that that’s not really the kind of message to be found here at Run Strong and am 100% certain that that’s not what Corrie was hoping for when she asked me to contribute to this effort.

So, why start out with disclaimers, and grumpy ones at that? Well, one, because it’s honest, and two because I am going to do this run anyway. I am going to be there for Corrie. I absolutely want people to know about and support Interim Place, but I am doing this for my sister.

I read a quote somewhere that said “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” So, my sister has asked for our help, and I will not refuse. My sister is this kind of person. She’s a leader dedicated to leaving the world a better place. And when someone like that asks you to come along, you go.

So, bring it on, cold days. I will look for the sunshine behind the snow bank. Bring it on, wet shoes. I will let each step remind me of all of those who can’t just turn the corner and head for a warm and safe home. Bring it on, long, long road. I will celebrate this journey as I celebrate the journey of the women Corrie is so committed to helping. And I will do all of that because she asked me to.

20 Life Lessons I Learned from Running

Over my running years I've pondered a thing or two about myself and/or life while out on the open road.   So, for this week's blog, I give you...

20 Life Lessons I Learned from Running

20. I’ve often doubted that I could go the distance, but I’ve almost never thought I couldn’t take  the next step.

19.   Sometimes the hardest part is committing to getting your shoes on and getting out the door.

18.   I move over to the side to be courteous and/or keep myself safe, but I never forget that it is a shared road.

17.    I am certain I love summer because I’ve gone running in the winter.

16.   The touch screen on an iPhone doesn’t work when you’re wearing gloves (there’s no metaphor here…I really learned this when I was running while playing music on my iPhone on a cold day).

15.   Perspective is everything.  Whether you hate a challenge or embrace it will determine what it ultimately does to you.

14.   You can achieve amazing things with nothing but a pair of shoes and some open road.

13.   Always frame the picture of yourself crossing the finish line.

12.   When you’re going up a hill, lean into - not away - from it.

11.   It’s always important to know where your keys are (again, not a metaphor).

10.   I’m the gatekeeper of what gets in my head.

9.       I can’t lose focus because people pass me.

8.       The difference between weakness and strength – between struggle and achievement – is commitment.

7.       I can’t tell how fast you run by looking at you.

6.       Fear puts up way more barriers than time or ability.

5.       The most priceless thing I have is a cheering section.

4.       If you want to be a marathoner, you have to learn to say, “I am a marathoner”.

3.       Running shoes come in all kinds of flashy colours and styles, with lots of bells and whistles.  But, at the end of the day, the perfect ones for me are the ones that fit my feet.

2.       Water and knowledge are critical and precious.

1.       (In the words of my brother) This is what I should do today: Make change.  Train hard.  Run Strong.

Thanks for running with me.

5 Weeks and In Memory...

Happy New Year!

So it’s now 2012 and – guess what – my marathon is in 2012.  Oy.  There’s no more saying, “when I run my marathon next year…”  I thought it was a super clever idea to put a timer counting down to race day on the Run Strong website but, whoa, is it moving fast.  I am, however, happy to announce that I am up to an 11.2 km route that I did for the first time over the holidays.  It hurt, but I did it!

As many of you – who have made fun of me for watching The Secret at least once every few months– know: I am a big believer that we are who we believe we are.  And we achieve what we believe we’ll achieve.  When I first put the idea of Run Strong out there, there was a part of me that feared that people wouldn’t get it, or that people wouldn’t feel compelled to support it, or - perhaps worst of all - that people didn’t think I could do it.  But, there was another, more powerful, part of me that knew not only that I would finish the marathon, but that I am connected to some of the most generous, supportive people with such a strong sense of social justice, and that, out of that network, Run Strong would take on a life beyond what I had envisioned for it.

And so has gone the story of Run Strong in its first 5 weeks.

It all started with Kevin at CCI.  Kevin is the Sales Associate that worked with me to develop the Run Strong website and one of the very first to hear of the concept of Run Strong.  In the middle of the website development process – in a routine email he sent me about the site – Kevin added a paragraph saying that he thought Run Strong was a great idea and that he was considering running the marathon.  I hadn’t even launched it yet and I couldn’t sit still knowing that Kevin wanted to get involved!  Every time one of you have posted a link to the blog on Facebook or sent a message encouraging me or posted a comment or offered to run with me, it has stopped me in my tracks.  Honestly.  My eyes have watered many times when I’ve opened my email or logged on to Facebook and discovered how gracious you’ve been about taking up this cause.  This week I want to give a special shout out to my awesome brother-in-law Dean for being awesome; to my neighbor Lisa for being the latest amazing runner to say she’ll run with me; to the fantastic Taryn W., and Sharon F. - 2 incredible women who are now blog followers; to my cousin Tara N., a woman who really and truly inspires me; and to one of my favourite people in the world, Howie P., for also following my blog (and always cracking me up).  Because of all of your support I’m proud to say that the Run Strong blog had over 650 page visits in its first month!

There is one additional very special thank-you I want to say this week.  When I was at Queen’s University, I was blessed to become friends with Mike Herzog, truly one of the funniest, kindest people I met during my years in Kingston.  Mike and I haven’t seen each other since our days at Queen’s, but – through the magic that is Facebook – we’ve been able to keep up-to-date on the latest in our respective lives.  When I first posted about Run Strong on Facebook, Mike immediately re-posted and asked his networks to support this initiative.  It was incredible to me that an old friend would so willingly advocate on behalf of something that means so much to me.  That was just the beginning: Mike has generously offered to use a platform he has developed for endurance athletes called GoodGuysTri to get the message out about Run Strong.  GoodGuysTri has a fabulous and active following and Mike has pro-actively come up with ways that this wonderful platform can support the Run Strong initiative.  I was humbled and overwhelmed to have access to this amazing community of athletes that Mike has built and wanted to sincerely thank you, Mike, for your incredible support.  I also want to encourage everyone to visit goodguystri.ca and to support the work Mike does to fundraise for impossible2Possible (i2P), an organization that inspires, educates, and empowers young people.

To close this week, I wanted to dedicate a few moments of remembrance to the women in Ontario that lost their lives to gender-based violence in 2011: women killed by a current or former partner.  In memory of these women please take a moment to watch this video created by Women’s College Hospital: reflecting on these women and remembering each of them by name is so important to understanding why it is critical that we continue to work to end violence against women.  Thanks for running with me.

Dec. 6 - Women's College Hospital Remembers from Women's College Hospital on Vimeo.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Run Strong

This week's blog is a special Christmas edition in video format.  Please share if you feel inclined.  Merry Christmas and a peaceful new year to all...and thanks for running with me.

So, About the Training....

So, when we left off 2 blogs ago, I had confessed that I was relatively hostile to running as a kid…and then I skipped ahead about 20 years to the finish lines of two half marathons.  I realize that might give the impression that running and I have been in a steadily upward and progressive relationship since the 7^th grade, but that’s not really true.  In fact, running and I are...oh, I don't know...a bit more like Will and Grace…we’ve definitely had a long-term relationship, but it’s kind of hard to define at any given moment.

There are 2 things I know for sure about running:

1.  I like it.  Truly.  For me, the hardest part about running is getting my shoes on and getting out the door.  Once I’m out there, I actually enjoy it.
2. Running has become incredibly therapeutic for me.  I’ll write more on my thoughts around the psychology of being a runner in another blog, but I just want to say that at some of my most challenging and difficult times, running has been a great release.  Sometimes I run as much to be alone and think as I do for the exercise.

I guess I really committed to running as an integral part of my adult life in 1997.  The summer of 1997 was unequivocally one of the best summers of my life.  I had been accepted into the MBA program at York University which would start in September, so to celebrate my summer of freedom before returning to school, I moved back in with my parents, got a “job” which gave me just enough money to pay for my nights at the pub and late night fast food runs with my brother, and logged more hours playing video games (again with my brother) than I had in the previous 24 years of my life combined.  I attribute most of my laugh lines to those 3 months spent with my brother at my parents’ house.  But, you can imagine that a summer of pubs, fast food, and Playstation takes a pretty good toll on one’s body mass index.

When I moved to Toronto and started my MBA in September of 1997, I was paying dearly for the pints and DQ blizzards that I shared with my (did I mention very, very funny) brother.  Wanting to get back in shape and fit into my clothes again (and unable to pay for a gym membership because my summer income had paid for the opening of at least one new Dairy Queen location), I rediscovered running…and vegetables.  At first, it was literally for 8 minutes around the block.  I nearly quit within the first few days when I was running a few streets over from my apartment and a car full of teenagers drove by me and yelled out the window, “Run, Forrest, Run!”.  But, I am nothing if not stubborn and by the summer of 1998 I was doing hour and a half runs at least 5 times a week.

Marriage, work, kids, and the ebbs and flows of life have meant that over the years there have been weeks where I’ve run twice for 20 minutes and others where I’ve run 6 times for 75 minutes.  Until recently, my standard run that I was doing about 4 times a week was 7.5 kilometres which is exactly the length of the country road we live on to one of the major crossroads and back.  I’ve just mapped out a 10 km run to increase that distance, so that is where I currently stand.  Over the upcoming months, my training regimen will follow the “Non-Runner’s Marathon Trainer”, a book based on the marathon class offered by the University of Northern Iowa.  It is a 16-week, four-day-a-week workout plan.  It lays out a clear schedule for progressively increasing your distance to prepare for the big run and I chose it because, well, the title really spoke to me.  As I start formally following the guide, I’ll report in on how well I’m sticking to it.

Before closing off this week’s blog with another video post, I want to say a few more quick thank yous.

To Melinda F. and Jas. C for becoming new blog followers.  I really appreciate your support…thank you!!

To my long-time friend, Jen C. for sharing this initiative with her networks.  The more people that can be engaged, the greater impact Run Strong can have.  Thank you!

To Heather L. for your message of support.  The impact of someone writing me out of the blue to offer encouragement and support is great.  Thank you!

So, to close off this week, here’s one of the all-time greatest movie running scenes (a caution, there is one occurrence of strong language)…and as I’ve said, one that has personal meaning to my running career.  I’m posting it in honour of everyone that, for no particular reason, has just felt like running.  Thanks for running with me!

This is Why

Total kilometres run this week: 28.5

Biggest challenge: The cold.  The horrible, horrible cold. ;0)

So, it’s been a week since I announced the Run Strong initiative.  I hope you’ll read to the end of this post because – to end on a high note – I really want to take a minute to acknowledge everyone who gave me some stop-in-my-tracks-because-people-are-amazing! moments this week.

But, I have to be honest, have you ever put something out there and then thought, “Sweet Georgia, what did I just do”?  Once I had emailed family and friends, and sent the Run Strong link out into the social network universe, I started to toss and turn at night contemplating how this was all going to go down.  42 km is a really long way to go on nothing but a pair of legs.  And, let’s face it, I get tired after a morning of housework.

I also started to fret a bit about how this platform would be used to REALLY engage people in the issue of violence against women.  It’s still very much a closed door issue...happening in places often unseen, involving realities commonly unspoken.  How would this forum contribute to that dialogue being opened up and shared?

After a whole lot of middle-of-the-night ceiling staring, I decided the simplest answer was that I was just going to have to go on faith…both that, with the right training, my rookie legs would hold out for the long haul and that the messaging would come.  And, of course, that’s when it happened. 

By complete chance (serendipity?), I came across this video.  Please watch it because this is why…this is why I want to run…these are some of the reasons why the staff and volunteers at Interim Place and other agencies addressing violence against women do the work.  This is why I’m asking you to donate.  It’s a 13 minute video, so you’ll need to get comfortable for a few minutes to watch it, but please pay particular attention to what he says at approximately 8 minutes and 55 seconds, “We had nowhere to go when I was a child…no one to turn to.  Not even the neighbours who knew about it – they heard it – and they kept silent”.  This is why Interim Place is so critical: it provides women and children with a place to go…a place to be safe, and a place to heal.

I do want to also say before you watch that I struggled a bit with having my first video post feature a man telling his story about violence against women.  I think it is so important that women use their own voices to tell their stories and share their experiences, but there is also no doubt that men have a pivotal role to play in addressing the issues and he very much (and so eloquently) tells his story from the perspective of a child, which is a critical message to hear.  For me personally, the most powerful moment comes at 9:45 when he says, “Violence is a choice and it’s a choice that a man makes.  And we can choose to stop it.”

As I said, I want to sign off by thanking some amazing people for simply bowling me over with their support this week:

My husband – for being the first person to respond when I sent out the email announcing Run Strong, and putting in print what I already knew: that he would do whatever he could to support the journey.

My mom and dad – just for being them.  And for jumping in with both feet every time one of their kids comes up with a crazy idea. :0)

My brother Scott and the team at CCI – for developing the Run Strong website (which I love!).  In addition, for being such hard-core supporters…Scott and Kevin are going to run with me!

My sister Marlo – for writing within minutes of receiving the email announcing the launch of Run Strong to tell me she would run with me.  Sisterhood is an amazing gift.

My brother Joe – for being the very first donor to Run Strong!

Sharon F. – for, in the middle of all of her other responsibilities at Interim Place, taking the time to be another set of eyes on my messaging about violence against women.

My truly amazing cousin Stephen - who wrote me a wonderful note of encouragement, offered his expertise leading up to the run and, all things working out, put the offer out to run with me.

My friends Jo-Anne L. and Mike H. - for so kindly asking "what can we do?". 

My mom, Jo-Anne L., Mike H., Marlo T., Kevin S., CCI Studios, and Mir Movement – for so enthusiastically sharing the initiative with their networks.

My fabulous cousin, Sue P., as well as my dear friends Jo-Anne L., and Daryl T. – for sending messages of support that absolutely made my day!

The 9 amazing people that became blog followers within the first week: Scott P., Joseph P., Heather L., Nicole J., Shenelle B., David B., Jo-Anne L., Mike H., and Chris M.  Thank you!!

The 11 amazing people that commented on my first blog – Jo-Anne L., Marlo T., Scott P., Sue P., Shenelle B., David B., Rachel R., Chris M., Jo-Ann F., Michelle M., and Rhonda K..  You have no idea how much it meant that you took a minute to share your thoughts.  It was especially a real thrill to hear from some amazing old friends and neighbours!  Thank you!!

To everyone who was a wonderful part of the launch of Run Strong: thanks for running with me!!!